Saturday, 4 May 2013

Body image..

No pleasing some people eh? I have now been target weight for nearly three weeks and I am happy... well kind of. When I am wearing clothes I am happy, there are a size ten and the swish nicely, nothing is tight or pinching. I will admit to a moment of disbelief every time I try on a size ten and even doing a little dance in the changing room! But if I am honest when I am in the shower or getting dressed I cant really see any difference. Logically I know this could be a good thing because it means I have lost weight all over and my proportions have stayed the same, for example my cup size is still the same even after losing four inches around the chest.

But I guess a small naive part of me was under the illusion that losing the extra weight would create the perfect body (yeah I know that doesn't exist!) I will admit I haven't exercised nearly enough during this process so it make sense there are bits that need toning. But it leaves me with a feeling of disappointment with myself that the initial excitement of making target has lessened in this aspect. There is an aspect of my brain catching up - But I feel a little dumb saying that as I have only lost 1.5 stone which is hardly the huge kind of life changing amount compared to others I have heard about. But no matter I guess thinking habits take longer to catch up.

Don't get me wrong I am really happy and I have broken too many rules for them to start getting to me now. Maybe I need to get a bit more used to really seeing my body for what it is... not what I think it is. This has been a huge issue over the years and has annoyed many a close friend or partner. I have tried to explain that it isn't that I think they are lying to me when they say I look thin, good, slim, pretty etc etc its more that I just don't see it, I don't get it. I genuinely struggle to see my body as others do, and I am hopeless at comparing myself to others - by that I mean if you had a line up of woman of differing sizes I would not be able to pick out the one the same size as me. On average I will liken myself to someone about two sizes bigger, so with that in mind I have tried to focus on the numbers (on the scales and on dress labels) as they are facts so if I focus on them the irrational thoughts have no power.

That's the theory! Just need to focus on those facts a little harder sometimes, but awareness of my weak points is a good place to start. My new wardrobe is another good point I have some lovely new clothes (new to me, they are mostly second hand) and I feel good wearing them. There is still a habit to put on jeans and a t-shirt when I am not doing anything 'special' and save nice clothes for best. But then I don't to much going out and 'special' things so a load of lovely clothes don't get worn which is dumb! So without going to the extreme of wearing a ballgown to Tesco's and can and should wear a nice skirt some days, just because. I am going away next weekend and although its a relaxed time away, I plan to wear only lovely clothes - and stop being so boring and practical when it comes to clothes.