Today has been more of a struggle than before I think I over did it on risotto rice and now I feel stuffed and fat, which is a sensation that triggers the kind of thought like 'If I feel this fat having eaten healthy food I may as well give up and stuff my face with chocolate' which of course leads to 'sod it I will give up on the diet now' behaviour. Which I am fighting hard mainly with the logic that I am due on in a few days (sorry if that's TMI for some of you) This makes a huge difference to how my body feels - water retention etc. So I am hitting my 'give up now' gremlin with a big dose of evidence. I know from looking at my food diary and I know I have stuck to plan so I have not put on half a stone in the last 24 hours (which is what it feels like).
Another rule I am trying to break is weighing myself everyday, and I have got a lot better over recent months (down to two or three times a week). This is a particular one connected to my daughter as she has already started standing on the scales at the age of two. Now ok at the moment to her its just a game, you stand on this thing and it flashes and then some numbers appear on the screen. But I cant let her grow up thinking that is normal behaviour. I have a 'weigh in' once a week at meetings and have been advised to not weigh myself at home as scales differ. They aren't kidding! There was a 3lb difference between theirs the first time they weighed me and this leads to another rule of mine. I ONLY ever weigh myself first thing in the morning - after a wee - before any food or drink - naked and with the scales in exactly the same place on the floor. Yeah... bit obsessive eh? I am still coming to terms with being weighed clothed and after breakfast, its a bigger deal than I thought and makes me very uncomfortable, but if this was an easy ride I would have faced it years ago.
Oddly (well its odd for me) I am enjoying taking pictures of my food. Partly I am proud I have cooked from scratch, I am amazed how colourful it is but mainly to remind myself during weak moments that all the chopping, peeling, and cooking creates great results. I don't want to go back to eating tons of freezer food, I am really proud of myself for not eating highly processed junk anymore.
I really am befuddled (in a very good way) that at times I am eating food that I would normally regret, feel guilty about or take restrictive action as a consequence of eating it.... But that hasn't been here for over ten days and that is an amazing development. Guilt free eating for over a week is the kind of too good to be true aspect of this experience that makes me worry it isn't going to last. I so pray I am wrong on that one.
Right onwards and upwards, I'm off for one of my daughters chocolate crispy cake a smile on my face and not an ounce of guilt *huge grin*